Accountability

This has been a long time coming, this blog post. And, no, I'm not going to tout off like I did when I was posting last year. This is going to be a much more down to earth post. Well, I guess, just more to the point. So, I'll get to it.

The first half of this year has been crazy. A lot of things happened, and it got in the way of writing. Now, I won't get into the specifics of it all because that is a novel in itself (don't worry, it'll be written), but it put me in a state of mind that left me disconnected from the creative part of me.

So, what did I do? Well, I did the very trite thing many people do when things aren't looking so good. I drank. Now, it wasn't a lot, compared to the amount others would be drinking when they were unhappy, but for me it was a lot. I binge drank, bro. I thought I was having fun, but it was a cover up for my unhappiness. Crazy, thinking about it now, I was a writer not writing and was drinking because of it.

Things did turn around. The situation I had put myself in seemed to work itself out (as in the chaos finally stopped) and I started to think in a more stable and positive manner, but I kept drinking. Then came a night where I drank like a fish and stayed up until 6:30 in the morning. At that point, it was time to call it quits on drinking. Since then, I've been working steadily on writing and editing drafts I wrote over a year ago.

Here's what I'm getting at, my drinking problem removed accountability for my problems. This is nothing new, I'm sure, many people do this. But I realized I didn't want to be apart of that group. I was better than that. And, before that night where I had gotten smashed and done stupid shit and was up long enough to see the sun come up, I was just starting to think in a more creative manner.

Now, since I've stayed away from alcohol, I've been in a state of creative euphoria for over a month now. All I want to do is write or work on writing, and it's such a great feeling to be back. And I'm never going to touch alcohol again, like weed. Yes, I used to smoke pot, too, but that was a while ago. But, like alcohol, I decided I needed to be productive with myself and dumped it. Excuse me for being blunt but, fuck getting intoxicated or messed up. I ain't got time for that.

This is all just from my standpoint. This is what I need to do to remain in a creative and productive state. Drinking, or getting high, got to a point where I didn't feel good anymore. It was a waste, I was a waste when in that state. I'm five years away from thirty, I have great stories to tell, why am I wasting it by getting drunk and partying? That wasn't me.



I'll end it with a song that helped me reconsider where I was in life and the direction I was heading. Love you all and thanks for reading!